Ode to a Troll
Note: The following was written in response to a troll who spammed Mike Malloy's board with right-wing garbage under several aliases. When I challenged him on his stupidities, he soon dropped the guff about wanting to "debate" in a "civil" manner, and waxed abusive. He even went to the length of googling for stuff I'd previously written (I'm not exactly anonymous) and offered unsolicited criticism of it, although it's highly doubtful that he could do better. (Those who can, do; those who can't, criticize those who can.) He also spammed two of my e-mail addresses with hateful vomit which I think reveals a lot more about him than it does about me. From it, I can basically divine that he's middle-aged, is hooked on drugs, masturbates a lot, doesn't like women but still wants this one's body in the worst way, and is just generally a no-talent asshat with delusions of adequacy. In short, a real charmer!
Apologies for the rhymey-dimey doggerel that follows, but trust me--this monkey deserves no better.
Begone, you fool who played the troll
On boards of uncorrupted soul!
Why do you think I give a damn
For you, pukestick of rancid ham?
I don't care for your right-wing 'toons
Based on lies aged many moons,
Nor have you right to lecture me
On subjects such as poetry.
I will not brook your foul abuse;
As for your ravings most obtuse,
They're good for laughs and nothing more.
You're back again? Oh, what a bore.
I do not care how much you claim
To have donated in my name
To your foul party, which is bound
To run itself into the ground.
I only ask of your conceit
That you please send me a receipt,
For tax time will be on us soon,
And I would like to reap a boon.
Besides, I'd like to see some proof
That this was not an idle spoof.
(You haven't got one? Oh, dear me--
The wingnut's lied again, I see.
This seems to be a common thing
With dullards of the far right wing.)
How would you like some gay porn spam,
Sir UkeStick, a.k.a. aND hAM?
It seems to me just recompense
For one who will not see good sense;
Whose aliases are duly writ
On my short list that's labelled Shit.
I'll take your every drop of drool
And post it here for ridicule.
If you persist in pest'ring me,
I'll forward to your ISP
Your each and ev'ry noisome screed
That violates their terms indeed
And only serves to build my case
That you're a pitiful disgrace.
They'll yank your plug, and none too soon
They'll boot your buttocks to the Moon.
And if your nose stays out of kilter,
I'll plonk you in my trusty filter.
Oh, what a waste of all your pain--
That I'll not read your spew again!
You'll raise your heart rate, but not mine,
And troll, that suits me simply fine.