March 31, 2008
July 26, 2007
Bullshit is Bullshit
Ahem. To the tune of Depeche Mode's "People Are People":
March 16, 2007
A vast right-wing conspiracy? Say it ain't so!
Alas, it IS so, says none otherthan Chavecito's older brother!
I now translate:
Popular Power minister for education, Adán Chávez, today confirmed that the Venezuelan media are conducting a campaign to confuse the Venezuelan people when it comes to education."The task of education is to strengthen consciousness to show that they [the opposition media] are telling a pack of lies."
He affirmed that the present campaign won't "have much effect on the people, but neither should it be underestimated."
[...]
"The opposition sectors have no arguments to contradict ours," he added.
Other than the usual tired "Castro-communism" witlessness, of course.
July 15, 2006
Where's Tina Turner?
Have I got a song for her!
July 14, 2006
To the tune of "I Fought the Law and the Law Won"...
July 04, 2006
Go fish!
One fish, two fish,
Red fish, blue fish...
...coming-back-to-bite-YOU fish.
March 21, 2006
Yes, I know it's a little late for Yule...
February 17, 2006
Dicking around with guns
Men who go by the name of Dick are such easy butts for puns.
Especially when those men named Dick start fuckin' 'round with guns.
But when those Dicks shoot dicky-birds, and hit their friends instead,
Why then, the question goes around: What's up with ol' Dick's head?
It now turns out Dick's had a beer, or maybe he's had two--
How many beers did ol' Dick have? A couple--or a few?
At least one mystery is solved: he had to sober up.
No one expects a VP to go pee-pee in a cup!
February 04, 2006
Uh-oh, Canada...
...My home and native land;
True patriot love
May not protect thy sand!
We need a much bigger army
Since Dubya, ever so smarmy,
Has vile designs on thee!
God keep our land
Out of BushCo's hands!
O Canada, who'll stand on guard for thee?
O Canada, who'll stand on guard for thee?
January 15, 2006
Michelle, ma belle...
Michelle, ma belle,
These are words that go together well:
Ma Michelle...
Michelle, ma belle,
Sont des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble,
Tres bien ensemble...
December 21, 2005
Oh yes, hit me again, Mr. Oh-Really!
Bill Oh-Really is a moron
For believing there's a war on.
For all of those who aren't so crazed,
Very happy holidays!
December 16, 2005
WWLGD--What Would Lesley Gore Do?
Ahem. In honor of Dubya's ignominious week-that-was, I offer the following. To the tune of Lesley Gore's "It's My Party":
September 14, 2005
And now, a little musical interlude...
Indulge me, folks...I feel a song comin' on.
To the tune of "Singin' in the Rain":
March 25, 2005
Ode to a Troll
Note: The following was written in response to a troll who spammed Mike Malloy's board with right-wing garbage under several aliases. When I challenged him on his stupidities, he soon dropped the guff about wanting to "debate" in a "civil" manner, and waxed abusive. He even went to the length of googling for stuff I'd previously written (I'm not exactly anonymous) and offered unsolicited criticism of it, although it's highly doubtful that he could do better. (Those who can, do; those who can't, criticize those who can.) He also spammed two of my e-mail addresses with hateful vomit which I think reveals a lot more about him than it does about me. From it, I can basically divine that he's middle-aged, is hooked on drugs, masturbates a lot, doesn't like women but still wants this one's body in the worst way, and is just generally a no-talent asshat with delusions of adequacy. In short, a real charmer!
Apologies for the rhymey-dimey doggerel that follows, but trust me--this monkey deserves no better.
Begone, you fool who played the troll
On boards of uncorrupted soul!
Why do you think I give a damn
For you, pukestick of rancid ham?
I don't care for your right-wing 'toons
Based on lies aged many moons,
Nor have you right to lecture me
On subjects such as poetry.
I will not brook your foul abuse;
As for your ravings most obtuse,
They're good for laughs and nothing more.
You're back again? Oh, what a bore.
I do not care how much you claim
To have donated in my name
To your foul party, which is bound
To run itself into the ground.
I only ask of your conceit
That you please send me a receipt,
For tax time will be on us soon,
And I would like to reap a boon.
Besides, I'd like to see some proof
That this was not an idle spoof.
(You haven't got one? Oh, dear me--
The wingnut's lied again, I see.
This seems to be a common thing
With dullards of the far right wing.)
How would you like some gay porn spam,
Sir UkeStick, a.k.a. aND hAM?
It seems to me just recompense
For one who will not see good sense;
Whose aliases are duly writ
On my short list that's labelled Shit.
I'll take your every drop of drool
And post it here for ridicule.
If you persist in pest'ring me,
I'll forward to your ISP
Your each and ev'ry noisome screed
That violates their terms indeed
And only serves to build my case
That you're a pitiful disgrace.
They'll yank your plug, and none too soon
They'll boot your buttocks to the Moon.
And if your nose stays out of kilter,
I'll plonk you in my trusty filter.
Oh, what a waste of all your pain--
That I'll not read your spew again!
You'll raise your heart rate, but not mine,
And troll, that suits me simply fine.
March 15, 2005
Want to read some poetry?
No, it's not mine. But it's quite clever, and I like it...
BTW, if you want to read MY poems (among many others) on Swans, click here.