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September 7, 2010

Good luck with that tour, Alejandro...

...because something tells me you're gonna need it, if this is any indication of the reception you're bound to get in Venezuela:

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Basically, the mediocre Spanish singer is asking Chavecito for permission to enter Venezuela. (You may recall that he got a shirt from a fan reading "Chávez Sucks", not so long ago. And he was not at all shy of waving it around like a flag.)

Well, Luigino Bracci, who blogs here, took exception to that and cordially invited Sanz to stuff a hot potato down his pants. (Or words to that effect. How many people north of the Río Grande eat yucca, anyway?)

And he's far from alone in that sentiment; other Venezuelan tweeters were equally vocal, and they got retweeted over and over and over again. Given that the Venezuelan twittersphere has gone rojo rojito since Chavecito got on the tweeter, that's a lot of pissed-off little birdies who think Sanz sucks.

Alejandro Sanz might want to purchase a pair of kneepads, if he doesn't already own any. He's got a LOT of grovelling ahead of him. And I do hope he likes the taste of mierda, because he's gonna be eating it three squares a day.

EDIT, Wednesday the 8th @ 5:47 PM: Ha, ha...look who I scooped. I had this post up two days ago.

August 17, 2010

Lady Gaga comes to Venezuela!

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Actually, this is the current Miss Venezuela, Marelisa Gibson, wearing her "national costume"--which looks NOTHING like the traditional dress of any Venezuelan region, but sure does look an awful lot like a shattered disco ball. Or one of Lady Gaga's rejects. It's hard to tell, eh?

May 21, 2010

Festive Left Friday Blogging: It's now official...

A little birdie has informed me that Chavecito's follower count...

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...has now surpassed:

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And that's not all! He's also beaten this guy:

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...who, you may recall, once wore a certain shirt.

Who sucks now, eh? Suck THAT, Alejandro.

March 13, 2010

Ozzie Guillén moons the homefolks on the tweeter

And oh, what a lovely ass that man has:

ozzie-guillen-twitterings.jpg

Did someone forget where he came from? Aporrea thinks so:

That Oswaldo Guillén doesn't agree with the government of President Chávez is understandable. You can see that since he acquired US citizenship 4 years ago, something that neither Roberto Clemente (who wouldn't let the gringos change his name) nor David Concepción ever did, because they knew very well that those who forget their roots bear no fruit, or those fruits won't last.

It seems a long time since 2005, when, flushed with victory in the World Series (North American, please note), Guillén defended President Chávez without a thought for anything but the reality before his eyes, in his native land.

Today, we wake to the news that on his Twitter page (@ozzieguillen), he has launched an attack against Sean Penn, much more bravely than he would if he had to defend the reign of the president of a country not his own.

Guillén wrote such statements as "What a clown this little gringo is who lives such a cool life in the United States", or "Sean Penn should go live in Venezuela so he'll stop talking so much shit stupid leftist go to Guarenas and see".

Guillén, with notable orthographic errors, assailed Penn, but at the same time he also attacked Guarenas, a town that gave him all he had: love, warmth, freedom, solidarity and the many baseball fields where Guillén, born in Ocumare del Tuy in 1964, went through his baptism of fire, practiced and prepared to arrive at where he is today.

Long lost (if they still remain) in Guillén's memory are those blocks of Oropeza Castillo, the bus stop where he waited for Guarenas-born Ibys, his wife, the meetings with other local baseball players, the joy of the children, and the courage of a town that rose up in the Caracazo against inequality. That same inequality which Guillén sensed in his childhood and teen years, the same in Ocumare as in Guarenas.

We don't know if Guillén's Orishas agree with his written declarations, and we don't know if he remembers the origins of the rhythms he loves so much.

What we do know is that today, the people of Guarenas will be indignant at the declarations of Guillén, who painted their town as insecure, without a future--as shit, basically, and all to offend Sean Penn and President Chávez.

We hope you're happy, Ozzie, now that we know you don't care about your homeland, and that you have no gratitude for those who gave you so much love.

But don't worry. Venezuela will keep moving forward without you, because we have the zest and the convictions that you don't. And clearly we will overcome, something we don't know if you will do.

Translation mine. Linkage added.

So. Now we see how someone who has risen to the top of his world has nowhere to go but down. And this is the beginning of Ozzie's long slide, folks. Make a note of it, so you'll be able to trace his ignominy to its roots, because Ozzie himself certainly won't.

Funny, isn't it, that he should pick on Guarenas, the town where his wife was born? And the town where he began his baseball career? If he's like so many other baseball-mad Venezuelans, including Chavecito himself, chances are that he played his first games on an improvised pitch, with a ball made of rags, and a piece of scrap wood for a bat. Chavecito certainly did.

But here's the rub: Chavecito joined the army so he could get to Caracas and eventually make his way into big-league baseball (he's a pitcher, a southpaw), and he wound up an officer, a failed rebel against a reviled turncoat, a jailbird, and then, as a civilian, an elected president. Ozzie achieved his original big-league dream, but he had to leave his country to do it. And worse, he let his adopted country rub out his roots.

Now, I know a thing about Gringolandia, and that is that it has a habit of stripping things off you, the better to make you fit its anglo "melting pot". Or Procrustean bed, more like it. One of the first thing it strips from new arrivals at Ellis Island, as my own mother found out in the mid-1960s, when she first came to work as a nanny in New York for the local Daimler-Benz importer, is their names. My mother says the immigration man tried to persuade her to change her name from Maria Welker to Mary Walker.

Now, this is just a laugh. My mom, who spoke almost no English when she first arrived in New York, is fluent today, but she still has a heavy German accent. And she wasn't even coming to immigrate; she was only there on a temporary work visa! That crazy place couldn't even wait for her to put down roots there before it insisted on lopping her German-ness off at the name. Good thing she wound up vacationing at a cousin's place in northern Ontario, where she met my dad and married him three months later, or heaven knows if I'd be speaking a word of German today.

As it is, I am fluently and perfectly bilingual. And as you can see, my dual-language skills have other payoffs, as well; I pick up other languages easily, and my mental horizons are broad enough that I could never become a chauvinist; I can appreciate other countries on the basis of their merits, and don't feel a pathological need to snub my nose at Germany just because I live in Canada. There are some things where Germans beat the world (beer, engineering); there are others where Canadians are superior (music, comedy, multiculturalism). It's all good to me!

That's why I don't understand how someone like Ozzie Guillén can forget where he comes from. I've been to the States, too. I loved the Minnesota prairie, the Atlantic coastline of Florida, the Arizona desert. (Disneyworld, however, underwhelmed me.) I've liked the people fine, for the most part. Can't recall meeting any truly disagreeable ones face to face there.

But I wouldn't call it a cool place to live, all the same; the political climate there was scary the last time I went (not long after Ozzie's "Viva Chávez" moment), and it's getting scarier by the minute now. There were no teabaggers when I was there last. Now they've popped up and metastasized. This is just one small part of the insanity that Sean Penn was trying to strike a blow against, when he whipped it out and urinated all over Rupee Murdoch's toy "news" channel. He was right to do so, even if a bit harsh in the way he put it. There is a substantial minority of the population which is completely divorced from sanity and reality, thanks to that camera-equipped nuthouse known as FOX News. And those people need a corrective in the worst way. (Maybe jail time for the crapagandists who brainwashed them isn't so out of line after all.)

Incidentally, Ozzie fucked up on another point, too: Sean Penn HAS been to Venezuela, more than once, and he liked what he saw, which was a process of change for the better. That's why he defends Chavecito.

If Ozzie Guillén said those things while still living and struggling in Venezuela, people there would laugh at him, call him a pitiyanki, maybe even beat the crap out of him for it. Of course he doesn't have the balls to do it, since he no longer lives there. Ozzie's not a mere pitiyanki anymore, he's an apátrido, a person without a homeland because he left it in the lurch. In this dubious club, he joins a number of other gutterbound ex-Venezuelans, most notably the talentless Maria Conchita Alonso, whose brother consorts with right-wing paramilitaries, and whose most notable (not-so-)recent achievement was to show off her nude nether regions to the world.

Now, it looks like Ozzie has metaphorically done the same. And he's about to find himself just as well respected at home for it...that is, if he still has a home.

February 17, 2010

Juanes: Schooled on the tweeter

So...Juanes thought he could get away with insults, bullshit and lame excuses (not to mention facile sloganeering) under the rubric of "free expression"? Looks like the joke's on him...

Colombian singer Juanes, on his Twitter page, tried to play the jester of the social networks and drew a series of irate comments from followers of the Venezuelan president.

Last Saturday, Juanes wrote the following comment on Twitter: "They gave me Chávez's PIN, anyone want it so you can send messages to his Blackberry?" He responded in his next entry: "Here you go, S0N0F4B1TCH". (The Blackberry PIN is a type of e-mail address to which one can send short messages.)

Juanes, trying to defend himself, said that "Twitter is a place where there's freedom of expression, and I'll write whatever I want." But he forgot that whatever you say, be it on the Internet or whatever place, you have to be responsible for the consequences those expressions could generate.

What is certain is that on Twitter, Chávez isn't alone. Not so long ago, his opponents opined freely, and in many cases in an offensive manner, and did not receive any contrary opinions. Now, things are very different, and Juanes, who is a public figure, should not forget it.

Recently, the Venezuelan president recommended using all available Internet tools, such as social networks, and specifically Twitter. In his opinion, these "also are battlefields, we have to get involved and learn to use all these instruments, and fight the battle on all fronts."

Translation mine.

Juanes: Funnyman FAIL. If you have to explain that you were "only joking", it wasn't funny to begin with. No funny, no joke.

Also, internationalist FAIL. Real internationalists respect other countries' choice of leaders, even if they don't like him personally. They don't go around preaching peace and love on the one hand, and then turn around and piss on the neighbor's lawn while drunk on a Saturday night. If you're gonna go around saying that "a country is its people, not its president", you'd best be remembering that it was the people of Venezuela who elected him president. They have ratified his reign at every turn. His stay in power hinges on them, not him. When you insult him, you insult them.

And since Chavecito recommended to his people--his electors--that they use the tweeter...

...to counteract the big media campaigns against him, well...don't expect your "free expression" of hatred for a people's president to go quite so free and unpunished anymore.

February 15, 2010

Juanes: Douchebaggery confirmed.

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Once more, via the tweeter, we glimpse an ugly truth about a pretty boy who sings very bland, mediocre music and preaches what we now know to be a false message of peace. From Aporrea:

Young Venezuelans, who support the process of change in their country, demanded on Monday that the Colombian singer, Juanes, show more respect to Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez Frías, whom he attacked on his Twitter page.

Juanes wrote over the weekend that he had the PIN of the Blackberry belonging to Chávez. He used a combination of numbers and letters that spelled out an insult.

Hundreds of Venezuelans reacted, expressing their disgust via the same network.

Venezuelan singer Roque Valero wrote on his Twitter page: "A person who believes in peace and love, doesn't call a President a 'son of a bitch', no matter who he is."

"I don't understand how someone who preaches peace could be so insulting in public. I don't know why he didn't do the same when he was in Havana," Valero said.

On the Colombian singer's Twitter page, the PSUV youth wing demanded respect for President Chávez and the Venezuelan people: "Pueblo venezolano le exige respeto a @juanes por twitter."

Another youth, identified as angelito2009, said: "If you really love my country, you won't mess with our government, led by our President, Hugo Chávez. Dude, we're sovereign."

And another user, GuillermoC, wrote: "If that's Chávez's PIN, Uribe's is N4RC07R4F1C4N7E."

Translation mine. I don't think I need to translate GuillermoC's alphanumerics, do you? (BTW, that's not an insult to Dictator Uribe. It is the truth.)

Here's a screen-grab of the offending message string:

juanes-douchebag.jpg

In it, we can see Juanes remonstrating with the Venezuelans, accusing them of not having a sense of humor, and soliciting further "bad jokes" in typical weasel fashion. The passage circled in red is the one where he lets slip what he really thinks of the 'Cito.

No, it's not insulting to call Juanes a douchebag, either. It is the truth.

(Muchas gracias to Slave Revolt for the heads-up.)

January 11, 2010

Juanes: Opportunistic, anti-Chávez douchebag?

A popular Venezuelan journo-blogger seems to think so, and after reading this, so do I:

Colombian singer/song-writer Juanes seems to be in agreement with those users of the Twitter website who demand the downfall of the government of Hugo Chávez. At least, that's how it looked on Saturday on Juanes' Twitter account.

Juanes has some 293,000 followers on Twitter, who read his writings daily. The Twitter corporation assures that his account is verified and that it really does belong to the Colombian artist.

The singer asked on Saturday, around 1:35 pm: "Anyone from Venezuela here? What's going on? How are things going there?" This generated hundreds of responses, of which Juanes decided to "re-tweet" two. One, by a user named LuisEwando, read: "Juanes, in Venezuela the politicians have allowed themselves to be bought, and only a people's uprising can bring down this oppressive government." Juanes also retransmitted the thoughts of user DavidMorante, who said: "Juanes, everyday there are more governmental restrictions here in Venezuela, but we Venezuelans will never give ourselves away."

On Twitter, people can "re-tweet", or retransmit, messages from other people, something they generally do when in agreement with that user's thoughts and want others to know it. In this case, the 293,000 followers of Juanes on Twitter received those two thoughts, re-tweeted.

Until now, Juanes has maintained a supposed neutrality and has never pronounced openly in favor or in opposition to President Chávez, or his Colombian counterpart, Alvaro Uribe Vélez. He generated much controversy with his "Peace Without Borders" concerts, one of them on the Colombia-Venezuela border in March of 2008, and the other in Havana in 2009.

Translation mine. Linkage as in original.

Here's the screenshot Luigino Bracci took of the tweets in question:

juanes-twitterings.jpg

Be it now known that Juanes is a douche who only does the "peace" thing to raise his own profile (and bank account). He doesn't care that the twits he's re-tweeting are openly calling for the overthrow of a popular, elected president.

So glad I'm not on Twitter, OR a fan of his very mediocre music. I'll stick with real socially conscious rockers, like Ska-P, Dame Pa' Matala and Buena Fe, muchas gracias...

January 7, 2010

'Tis a puzzlement...

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Bartcop asks a pertinent question:

You girls, between Charlie Sheen, the vulgar Pigboy, Eldrick or Chris Brown, who'd you least like to date?

Oh lord, that IS a hard one. All of them are so repugnant in their respective ways:

Charlie Sheen's track record is just bad all around. How many failed marriages does this make? And how many addictive demons that he's obviously not handling? One would have to be crazy even to contemplate dating him. But at least he's not too hard on the eyes, and he IS funny. When he's not roaring away on booze and whatever, of course.

Rush Limbaugh is so repulsive I wouldn't let him within a mile of me. He's Charlie Sheen without the looks OR the talent. He has only one redeeming trait: He's not known to be violent. At least not physically. But his general worldview more than makes up for that. And really, who wants to put up with a guy who holds all women, even beautiful ones, in contempt--much less have sex with an obviously underwhelming specimen like him?

Tiger Woods may not be ugly or violent, and maybe he's not known for putting women down on the air, either--but it's pretty clear to me that something's doing on the drugs front with him, too. And of all four, he is the man most likely to infect a woman with a disease she would be ashamed to take to a doctor. Maybe one that would even kill her. Srsly--in all his exploits, do you recall ANY of the women saying he used condoms? That's some frightening shit right there.

That leaves Chris Brown. I saw the pictures of what he did to Rihanna. You couldn't NOT see the pictures, because they were just absolutely everywhere. And he did that before his twentieth birthday. The earlier they start, the less likely they are to stop. In terms of bad behavioral patterns, he's therefore streets ahead of the rest.

Chris Brown "wins", if you can call it that.

December 19, 2009

Headline Howler: No, they do NOT all look alike...

...even if the AP thinks so:

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But hey! They're both black, and they're both in showbiz one way or the other, so Will Smith and Barack Obama are interchangeable, right???

September 30, 2009

O Irony, where is thy sting?

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Bwahahahaha. Where else? Planted firmly, barbed-end-first, in the ass-cheek of a woman who thought she could take the shortcut to queen-bee status:

SARAH Palin is said to have pocketed a $7 million advance for the 400-page memoir she turned in four months early, but she might not have such an easy time on the lecture circuit.

After quitting as governor of Alaska in July, Palin signed with the top-notch Washington Speakers Bureau, which also reps George W. Bush, Laura Bush, Condoleezza Rice, hero pilot Chesley Sullenberger, LA Dodgers manager Joe Torre and magician David Blaine.

Palin's bookers are said to be asking for $100,000 per speech, but an industry expert tells Page Six: "The big lecture buyers in the US are paralyzed with fear about booking her, basically because they think she is a blithering idiot."

Oh noes! Why do you suppose that is? Oh, probably only because she IS one.

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And why do you suppose THAT is? Hmmm...

"Palin is so uninteresting to so many groups -- unless they are interested in moose hunting," said our insider. "What does she have to say? She can't even describe what she reads."

Does she read? I know Dubya read ONE book, or at least pretended to read part of it--one far below what's par for a man his age. Judging from what her daughter's ex has to say, the woman who talked of banning books as mayor of Wasilla is probably no great reader herself; why else would she try to usurp the local librarian and impoverish the public bookshelves?

But don't take my word for it. Here's Levi:

I actually never saw Sarah reading much at all--once in a blue moon, I'd see her reading a book, and I've never seen her read a newspaper. The Frontiersman and the Anchorage Daily News were always there in the morning, but the only one who looked through them was Todd.

Hmmm. Does she at least hunt moose? Oh, deer:

Sarah Palin has said she's a hockey mom and a hunter, but that's really not the case. She pays no attention to her kids when the cameras aren't around. Track and I grew up playing hockey together, and I only saw her at about 15 percent of his games. People think that Sarah likes hunting, fishing, and camping, but she doesn't. She says she goes hunting and lives off animal meat--I've never seen it. I've never seen her touch a fishing pole. She had a gun in her bedroom and one day she asked me to show her how to shoot it. I asked her what kind of gun it was, and she said she didn't know, because it was in a box under her bed.

People would send Sarah big painted portraits of herself. Most of them went in the garage, but she once asked me to help her put one up in the house. So I put the little tab in the back and she told me she could handle it from there. But when I came back, it was sideways. About the only thing she knows now is Gucci and Prada.

Sounds like she wasn't really as much in touch with the huntin' and fishin' crowd as she made herself out to be.

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I'm guessing that she was also rather out of touch with the news, and thus, collectively speaking, the people. Which is kind of sad when you consider that she had an entire state full of 'em to govern, and a governor's job, among other things, is to be aware of issues in the local news, the better to be able to address what needs doing, competently and in a timely manner. Not just to provide lip service and window dressing, but action on the people's behalf.

But clearly, all of that was not even on Sarah Palin's radar. Levi Johnston again:

Sarah was always in a bad mood and she was stressed out a lot. Sometimes she would wonder why she took the job as governor. It was too hard, she said; there was so much going on.

[...]

Sarah was sad for a while. She walked around the house pouting. I had assumed she was going to go back to her job as governor, but a week or two after she got back she started talking about how nice it would be to quit and write a book or do a show and make "triple the money." It was, to her, "not as hard." She would blatantly say, "I want to just take this money and quit being governor." She started to say it frequently, but she didn't know how to do it. When she came home from work, it seemed like she was more and more stressed out. It seemed like she couldn't handle the job anymore. I think that she was just through with it all or that she'd become used to getting everything she wanted handed to her. She'd rather take the money and keep that kind of lifestyle. When a magazine offered six figures to be at the hospital when Bristol gave birth, she said yes at first but then told us not to do it.

No consistency of word or deed; no consistency between word and deed; nothing consistent at all, except the overarching theme: "Gimme money, lotsa money, yum yum yum more money." Greed, ambition and self-promotion: Check. Work ethic: Um, what work ethic?

In everything she has ever done, Sarah Palin is the embodiment of attention deficit disorder; a Jill of all trades, and a mistress of none. Need I bring up her dubious academic record to underscore the point? She ended up, after six years, with one journalism degree, which she invoked at every opportunity during her VP campaign, but at the same time, she no longer reads newspapers. Well, duh; she never wrote for them, either, even at school. Makes sense when you consider that she was originally shooting for TV. Maybe she figured that was the easiest way to fame and fortune, as well as to capitalize on those Miss Wasilla looks!

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For someone like that to aspire to writing a book--well, it doesn't surprise me that she had help. A lot of it. How else to explain the fact that she pooped the seven-million-dollar manure pile out in such record time? And indeed, there is a "collaborator". This is one of those "as told to" stories, although it's doubtless not being billed as such.

I'm gonna go wayyyyy out on a limb here and say that judging from the overall pattern of things, the "collaborator" did the grunt work, transcribing the Paliness's semi-coherent burblings into some semblance of a readable narrative. I do hope she's being paid well for her time and efforts, although I suspect she's probably not being paid nearly as well as the woman for whom she's ghosting.

But meanwhile, there is the question of whether this book will even earn out that very fat advance. The lecture circuit thing's early flop is, along with all those other plot twists, something of a foreshadowing. I'm an English major, as well as having studied journalism; in six years, I earned two degrees from just two schools. I know how to recognize familiar patterns and well-worn storylines. I already know how this will go:

First, I see bookstore clerks grumbling over having to stock this parvum opus front and centre, at the expense of real literature. Sales will seem brisk at first, then drop off dramatically as word goes out that it's a damp squib, rather than the firecracker the media hype has led us to expect.

Then, to save face, there will come a last-minute bulk buy order from a certain familiar Mr. Mellon Scaife, who has so kindly subsidized the wingnut-welfare cottage industry lo these many years.

And soon after that, the Conservative Book Club (!) will be making this one of their featured "3 for $1" introductory offerings. The chattering classes will chatter away, and so, alas, will Sarah--doing the talk-show circuit in lieu of lectures, and carefully skirting the hard questioners, of course. FUX Snooze will talk her up, and everyone else will courteously pretend neutrality and wish her well, while cringing inwardly at having to go through the whole Palin rigamarole yet again.

Meanwhile, cheaply-purchased but unread copies of The Book will be propping doors open and gathering dust on coffee tables before making their shambling way to the used-book market, along with the various tomes of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, and Jonah Goldberg.

Finally, remainder tables will be groaning under the weight of hundreds of unsold copies of Going Rogue, deeply discounted. After even that fails to unload very many of them, the covers will be torn off all the unsold copies, and the remainder returned to sender to be pulped. The rest, as they say, is toilet paper.

Et voilà! Another Great American Mavericky Success Story (TM) is born. You betcha!

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September 29, 2009

I'm sorry. I just HAD to do this.

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Seriously, doesn't it look like Chavecito is thinking exactly that?

August 22, 2009

Ugh

Ryan Jenkins is even more grotesque than I had originally thought. Get a load of this:

When Jasmine Fiore's body was found in a Dumpster in Buena Park, Calif., Aug. 15, her fingers had been cut off at the second knuckle and all of her teeth had been pulled out. But authorities were still able to identify the swimsuit model from the serial numbers on her breast implants.

"We actually have had several cases where we identified the victim or the defendant in that way," Orange County District Attorney spokeswoman Susan Schroeder tells PEOPLE. She says implants carry serial numbers "because of the potential for recalls."

Yeah, in Orange County just about every female over 16 has a boob job, so I can see how that would happen.

But--ugh!--the mutliation of the body is something you could only call sadistic--or, if you're acquainted with criminal minds, you might call it sadistically devious. The killer seems to have taken great pains to make sure his ex-wife couldn't be identified by the more usual means--fingerprinting and dental charts. Unfortunately, he forgot all about her gazongas. Those are a lot harder to rip out, especially if you're in a hurry to get across the 49th Parallel.

But still, point taken: Ryan doesn't like women, no matter how much he likes to schtup them. (He was in treatment for sex addiction, but they somehow missed the misogyny that was fueling the rush.) I'm sure he got a perverse pleasure out of disfiguring a pretty girl who had the audacity to deny him his every want and whim, all the more so since she was safely dead and unable to stop him anymore. Do I need to remind you that with misogynists and thrill killers, it's the power, not the sex, that is the real addiction? And that rape, killing and dismemberment are the ultimate demonstrations of power and control?

BTW, if this is to be believed, the killer is apparently having a killer time in the clubs somewhere, most likely in Vancouver. Which is just a double ugh. So, ladies, here's his picture again:

ryan-jenkins.jpg

And here's another, so you can know just what expression you're likely to see when you encounter him:

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Would you buy a used car from him? No? How about a new condo? Look into his eyes, and ye shall know all.

And if he approaches you ANYWHERE, politely excuse yourself and CALL. THE. POLICE!!! If it's him, there could be a nice reward in it for you. (Besides the satisfaction of knowing you've helped save other women from a similar fate, of course.)

PS: Big boos to the Dissociated Press for misreporting that Jenkins was chased by the US coast guard. Only halfway down the piece do they finally get to the critical part where coastal authorities on both sides of the border say no, there was NOT a chase. Come on, guys, can't you get even THIS story right?

PPS: No, he wasn't arrested in Toronto, either. But word is his dad owns property in Honduras. I wouldn't trust the putschists currently in charge there to put much effort into extraditing him, though, if he does show up--treaty or no treaty. They've kind of got their hands full trying to make out like they, too, are not sadistic killers.

August 19, 2009

Another innocent woman killed by sexism and sleaze

The word "ladykiller" has taken on a very literal meaning:

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Meet Ryan Jenkins...skeezy rich dude, wannabe "player", and reality show contestant. And tonight, a wanted man for all the wrong reasons.

A former Calgarian being sought by California police in the death of a model pleaded guilty to assault in his hometown three years ago.

Police in Buena Park, a city southeast of Los Angeles, are looking for Ryan Jenkins, 32, as a "person of interest" in the death of Jasmine Fiore, 28.

A man looking for recyclable materials in a metal trash bin found Fiore's naked body in a suitcase on Saturday morning. Police said she appears to have been strangled.

Fiore's mother, Lisa Lepore, said the couple got married in Las Vegas in March but got the union annulled in May. She said Jenkins convinced Fiore to take him back.

Jenkins reported Fiore missing to the Buena Park Police Department on Saturday evening. Police said she was last seen with Jenkins in San Diego on Friday.

Lt. Gary Worrall said investigators have not been able to contact Jenkins, and they fear he may be headed back to Canada before they can question him.

"We find it suspicious that with all the media coverage that he has not made himself available to us," he said.

Suspicious? Yeah, I should say so. If he were innocent, he'd have nothing to hide. Instead, his ex-wife's body was found hidden in a trash dumpster, and Ryan himself is in hiding God knows where. Plus, there are a lot of hinky details, like a nasty text message he is believed to have sent to Jasmine's former boyfriend, whom she had a date with the night she vanished. Somehow, I just can't believe he's innocent of anything.

BTW, here's the late Jasmine Fiore, Ryan's ex:

jasmine-fiore.jpg

Jasmine Fiore must have been the sweetest person on Earth, and I don't doubt that she was, but it's hard to see the humanity when you're looking at someone in a profession that objectifies women quite literally, turning them into props rather than people. (Especially if the one looking is a certain type of male.) It may not have been her idea to look like that, but someone probably told her she'd get more modelling jobs if she did; she was in a very conformist industry, where women are often interchangeable as far as their looks go. She didn't deserve to die, but that look, that artifice, must have made it all too easy for someone to think that she was just a doll to play with and then cast aside. It's a look that a certain type of guy gravitates to. A certain type of guy you wouldn't normally take home to meet your parents no matter how rich and prominent he appears to be. In fact, a certain type of guy that most women rightly avoid taking home anyway, not to meet their parents but for whatever reason...because he's one of those:

According to court records in Calgary, Jenkins pleaded guilty to assault in 2006. There are reports the victim was his girlfriend at the time. Jenkins was given a conditional discharge which he fulfilled with 15 months of probation and court-ordered counselling.

Aha, so Ryan has a record. It figures; men who kill women have a prior history of violence. None of them ever do it just out of the blue.

It also appears that his court-ordered counselling didn't "take". Too bad. If it had, he wouldn't have gotten all these grandiose notions:

Jenkins moved from Calgary to Los Angeles to appear as a contestant on a reality TV show called Megan Wants a Millionaire.

The show features 17 wealthy men, each with a net worth of more than $1 million, competing for the affections of model named Megan Hauserman. It had aired three episodes by this week, and Jenkins had emerged as a fan favourite on the show's online discussion boards.

"The show completed production at the end of March. Given the unfortunate circumstances, VH1 has postponed any future airings," said the network in a statement on Wednesday.

"This is a tragic situation and our thoughts go out to the victim's family."

In addition, VH1 pulled Jenkins' biography and photo from the show's website.

Fiore's mother said Jenkins had his eyes on stardom.

"He had stars in his eyes," Lepore said. "He was totally jazzed, like, being a star."

I don't wonder that this show was pulled. Not only that, but this creep was a contestant--and reportedly a winner--of another reality show as well, called I Love Money 3. He had a meteoric rise to wealth, piggybacking on the coattails of his dad, a pricey Calgary architect and condo developer. (He's still apparently listed here, too, although he's lost his licence. Hmmm.) That, and his apparent lust for fame (and multiple women) made him a "natural" for these grotesque shows. It's the skanky "player" ethos writ large: get as many pretty girls as you can, and don't let a little thing like their humanity and their rights stand in your way. You're a rich guy, so of course you deserve it--women are just trophies anyway, right?

Ugh.

I don't go in for "reality" shows, precisely because of that nauseous blend of vapidity and voyeurism; it's the same thing that turns me off of porn. It's not sexy. It's sad. It's like orchestrating a car wreck just so you can see the blood.

And it's saddest because of the effect it tends to have on people--an effect no one even seems to notice until it's too late. That's because the effect is deeply embedded in our society, and in our culture. It was this way long before any of these glorified game shows ever aired.

Back in my early teens, there was a huge hoopla up here over the death of another beautiful, blond model who wasn't exactly a fashion icon either, because her brand of modelling involved very little clothing, and wasn't designed to sell anything but magazines. She was a Playboy centrefold girl named Dorothy Stratten. She, too, was killed by her estranged husband, who was a sleazeball to end them all. He was so sleazy that Hugh Hefner himself characterized him as "a hustler and a pimp". Stratten got tired of her ex's abuse, separated from him, and moved in with movie director Peter Bogdanovich, and that's when her troubles spiralled out of control. Her ex, livid that he couldn't have her anymore, decided that no one else would, either. After he shot her, he turned the gun on himself, probably to evade capture and punishment. It was the ultimate objectification of a sweet girl who'd already become a sex object in record time.

And yes, Dorothy's ex, too, had a prior history of violence and abuse. Here's an account by a former girlfriend, who is undoubtedly thankful she got away.

Dorothy Stratten's death was the subject of two hit songs, both written by Bryan Adams: "Cover Girl", recorded by Vancouver rock group Prism, and "The Best Was Yet to Come", by Adams himself. Here's the latter, which I'll dedicate to Jasmine Fiore:

As with Dorothy, Jasmine Fiore is the human being who was lost and discarded amid all the phony glitz and self-serving sleaze. May the truth come to light, and may Jasmine get the justice she deserves. May her family find comfort and may they not grieve her loss alone. For they are not alone. All around the world, every day, women are being killed by men, never deserving it--except, of course, in the deranged minds of their killers, who were made that way by being told, somewhere, somehow, that it was okay to treat a woman as chattel. All the more so if she is pretty, as these two ladies were.

No woman should be abused because of how she looks, and no woman--no matter what she does for a living--deserves to die in this way, objectified, degraded, then dumped in the trash. Let's stop pampering that big fat male ego and demolish the social norms that make this sort of murder so sickeningly common. In other words: Let's kill sexism so that sexism never kills again.

June 4, 2009

"UP" meme takes off

detainee-balloons.jpg

I'm not so sure setting them loose on a tepui in Venezuela is such a good idea.

February 7, 2009

Only in Dubai

mile-high-tennis.jpg

Roger Federer and André Agassi play Centrifugal Bumblepuppy on the helipad of the Burj al-Arab. Insanity, thy name is Dubai.

(h/t Cracked)

January 15, 2009

Quotable: Maria Hampton on the need for a new feminist movement

"We stopped working together for reform and are now being forced to conform, dying deaths of a thousand choices. [...] Right now the consumer trance that ensnared [Betty] Friedan's classmates is stronger than ever: eight-year-olds wear knickers with "Babe" emblazoned on the crotch, post-feminists get empowering bikini waxes, Paris Hilton is an ironic role model, and we have earned the right to watch TV shows where strippers in nipple tassels tell us how to lap-dance our men to orgasm. We have been distracted by personal rather than political empowerment and dragged low by the constant blandishments of a culture that tells us the only path to empowerment is through shopping, plastic surgery and pandering to the so-called ironic fantasies of chortling men."

--Maria Hampton, "Betty Friedan: A Life and Death in Feminism", Adbusters, May/June 2006

December 19, 2008

The wide, wacky world of sports fashion

German "Bundesliga" soccer fashions of the 1970s. The designer explains how he wants to make our colorful world even more so. Looks like he succeeded.

(BTW, can someone please explain to me why the models are dancing samba? And why their socks have no FEET?)

September 1, 2008

Something is very wrong with this picture

From Aporrea, some shocking facts about soap operas in Mexico:

Each episode of the soap opera "Fire in the Blood", one of the most-watched in Mexico, contains an average of 50 scenes of violence against women, according to a study presented by an association of Mexican non-governmental organizations (NGOs).

The tracking, which ran for ten episodes between July 14 and 25, detected a total of 498 scenes "in which various forms of violence against women occurred or were justified", according to the study, conducted by the Citizens' Council for Gender Equality in the Media.

Of the 498 scenes, 313 enacted acts of psycho-emotional violence, 66 physical violence, 17 femicidal violence, and 5 sexual violence, according to the EFE news agency.

Continue reading "Something is very wrong with this picture" »

August 28, 2008

Venezuelan Beer Chicks for Progress

Er, make that AGAINST READING. From Aporrea, a shocking report on the mental calibre of one of that country's top spokesmodels for mindless alcohol consumption:

Norkis Batista, a young Venezuelan actress who played "Victoria Guanipa" in the RCTV International adaptation of "La Trepadora" by Romulo Gallegos, made these statements in an interview published in the April 2008 edition of the magazine "Waiting Room".

[...]

Waiting Room: Did you take time to read the novella by Romulo Gallegos and see how closely it resembled the adaptation by Ricardo Hernandez Anzola?

Norkis Batista: No. I don't like to read. I only do it when there's a script in front of me. The story by Ricardo Hernandez is distinctive. It's modern. It's not old, but more futuristic.

Waiting Room: Didn't it make you curious to read it so you could learn more about your character?

Norkis Batista: Reading a book is a step back, not forward.

Translation mine.

So much for Venezuelan culture, arts and literature. Romulo Gallegos was one of that country's greatest literary figures, but according to a woman who is not much more than a figure (with more makeup on it than clothing, especially when she's peddling Polar beer), reading him is "backward".

Here she is, (cough) acting in the movie mentioned above:

Apparently, YouTubers prefer her nude scenes. I guess it would be a shame to waste all that silicone.

July 17, 2008

Mike Malloy rips Miss Universe a new one

No, not the lady who won this year's title. She's just another innocent victim. The pageant itself is what gets the new orifice. And it deserves it:

Continue reading "Mike Malloy rips Miss Universe a new one" »

July 14, 2008

Hideous tanorexia strikes again!

There she is, Miss Universe. Big whoop.

"Oh God, I won a rhinestone tiara for one whole year! All the torture has been worth it!"

Well, here's a foregone conclusion that I wish the world could forego: Once again, a totally un-Venezuelan-looking Miss Venezuela has been crowned a very un-universal Miss Universe. And some brave "independent" Australian kookaburra has seen fit to lay an egg on the Internets about it. (Insert obligatory reference to communism and tyranny anywhere you like, mate. And don't forget to totally ignore the distinctions between communism and socialism.)

Meanwhile, for the real lowdown on this ultra-hyped pseudo-event, we turn to Aporrea, which has the scoop on where the real tyranny lies--and no, it ain't communism or even socialism. Here goes my rough translation of selections from the article, with commentaries in between:

Continue reading "Hideous tanorexia strikes again!" »

June 3, 2008

Brigitte Bardot, phoquez-vous!

I'm always amazed that the same people who bawl over baby seals in some other part of the world have so little regard left over for abused humanity coming to their own shores. Take (please!) the example of Brigitte Bardot, recently convicted of racist hatemongering:

A leading French anti-racism group known as MRAP filed a lawsuit last year over a letter she sent to then-Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy. The remarks were published in her foundation's quarterly journal.

In the December 2006 letter to Sarkozy, now the president, Bardot said France is "tired of being led by the nose by this population that is destroying us, destroying our country by imposing its acts."

Bardot, 73, was referring to the Muslim feast of Aid el-Kebir, celebrated by slaughtering sheep.

Continue reading "Brigitte Bardot, phoquez-vous!" »

May 6, 2008

Stupid Sex Tricks: Pete gets burned by same-sex marriage

Who needs homophobes to set gay rights back a century when you've got flaming nutcases like a certain former Dead or Alive singer?

When he flashed his engagement ring on the sofa with Richard and Judy, pop star Pete Burns told of his happiness at the prospect of becoming the latest celebrity to marry his male partner.

But now, just ten months after the big day, the singer has split from Michael Simpson, saying civil partnerships do not work and that he was happier being married to a woman.

Continue reading "Stupid Sex Tricks: Pete gets burned by same-sex marriage" »

March 31, 2008

Someone's ass needs kicking again

Y'see, there's this fella named Thor

Who is more than a bit of a whore.

He shouts and he screams

And he pouts and he preens--

The rest of us wonder what for.

March 12, 2008

Exactly what was Eliot Spitzer paying for, anyway?

My guess is, it was the slick advertising. I mean, have you ever seen so much horseshit as this?

The Emperor's Club is naked...

Golly gee, oh gosh wow...you'd almost dare swear it wasn't really about sex for pay, eh?

Sadly, it is. And here's what it would cost you to partake:

Continue reading "Exactly what was Eliot Spitzer paying for, anyway?" »

February 21, 2008

Taking the wind out of an overblown pop star

Heh, heh, heh. Didn't see this coming, did anyone now?

Hugo Chavez says Spanish singer Alejandro Sanz is welcome to perform at his presidential palace and denied Thursday that his government retaliated against the Latin Grammy winner because of critical comments he made.

More than 80 performers and other celebrities signed a statement supporting Sanz after his concerts were cancelled in Venezuela. Signers including Shakira, Ricky Martin, Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony, Penelope Cruz and even soccer star David Beckham said they "believe in a Latin America where we are all free to express our views."

Venezuelan organizers said Sanz's sold-out Feb. 14 concert in Caracas was cancelled because it lacked "the appropriate conditions." The announcement came after government officials said Sanz would not be allowed to hold the concert at the state-controlled stadium because of his past criticism of Chavez.

Chavez denied any attempt to censor or retaliate against Sanz. "Come here and sing in Miraflores," he said, referring to Venezuela's presidential palace.

Aporrea has more:

Continue reading "Taking the wind out of an overblown pop star" »

February 14, 2008

Mad Mel and his thirty shekels

Sheesh. What IS it with these religiocrazies? First they make a suspiciously overtoned movie glorifying the torture-death of Jesus (and a whole slew of horrible, sadistic commercial kitsch to go with it), and now this...

Actor and director Mel Gibson is being sued by the scriptwriter of his film The Passion of the Christ.

Benedict Fitzgerald says Mr Gibson told him the movie would cost up to $7m, but the writer claims the 2004 film's real budget was set between $25m to $50m.

Mr Fitzgerald claims in court papers he took a salary which was "substantially less than what he would have taken had he known the true budget of the film".

He also says he was refused extra money when the movie became a blockbuster.

Mr Fitzgerald also alleges Mr Gibson promised he would not receive money from the film and that profits would be distributed to people who worked on the movie.

Mr Gibson stated he did not want "money on the back of what he considered a personal gift to his faith," legal papers said.

Hey Mel, whatever happened to rich men not entering heaven? As I recall, your movie was heavy on the death of Christ, but light on what he actually said and did in the rest of his life. What do you suppose Jesus would say to this?

January 7, 2008

So that's why Sarko got divorced...

Zut alors. He's just proposed to Mick Jagger's old mistress (and Eric Clapton's sloppy seconds).

Nicolas Sarkozy will marry his supermodel lover Carla Bruni next month - in time for the two to enjoy a state visit to Britain.

The wedding will take place in Paris on February 8 or 9, according to a newspaper owned by a close friend of the French president.

This will be two weeks after Mr Sarkozy celebrates his 53rd birthday, and less than four months after his divorce from his second wife, Cecilia, also a model.

Nice to know he's not superficial or anything.

Superficial-as-anything update: The French are not amused. The Beeb has the deets.

January 5, 2008

The face of fucking craziness

I'm sorry to inflict this on y'all, but...

Continue reading "The face of fucking craziness" »

December 10, 2007

Omar Sharif regrets

In a celebrity culture replete with vapid idiots like Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, et al, it's easy to get cynical about celebs in general. The antics of the young, rich and stupid often make us forget that their elders exist, let alone that among them are ones like Omar Sharif--a great actor whose conscience refuses to be silent:

Omar Sharif still regrets having played Che Guevara in a 1969 film which was "entirely manipulated by the CIA", which he regards today as the biggest mistake of his life.

"I asked to make a movie that didn't take a fascist tone," he said in an interview in Cairo, where he just finished filming his latest, Al Musafir (The Traveller), with young Egyptian director Ahmed Maher.

In 1969, it was just two years after the guerrilla war had ended in Bolivia, "and Che was still an incredible hero," said Sharif.

The actor, 76, bitterly remembers that his "Che" had a certain dignity because he demanded it in his contract, "but Jack Palance's Fidel Castro, and the movie in general (directed by Richard Fleischer) resulted in a fascist product."

"The CIA was behind it, and wanted to make a film that would please the Miami Cubans. I alone cared about the outcome," he recalled, adding that a movie house on the Champs-Elysees in Paris was burned by audience members incensed by the negative image the film gave of Che and the Cuban Revolution.

Translation mine.

BTW, I could not find this story ANYWHERE in the English-language media. The closest I could get to a recent news story about him was this unflattering item. Which makes him sound a bit like a male Lindsey Lohan.

Don't you love that liberal media memory hole?

December 2, 2007

So much for sensationalism

Generally, it's a good idea not to gawk when you pass a car wreck. Especially if you're the kind of person who is easily upset by blood and fire and twisted metal, because you'll only stagger off and barf in the bushes. And even if, like me, you're not that easily upset, you will still feel as though you've just looked into Nietzsche's abyss, and had it look back into you.

Then again, sometimes you stick your head out the car window, just to get a breath of fresh air amid all the damn traffic. You don't rubberneck, but you still see what happened. You can't not see. And then you see something else, something you'd have missed if you had averted your eyes. Something that's downright bracing, and does wonders for that queasy feeling. And it doesn't come a moment too soon. Especially when you consider the fact that Chavecito's ex is the one who wrecked her own car with a big flouncy defection in the first place.

Continue reading "So much for sensationalism" »

November 19, 2007

The Warning

Trent Reznor (of Nine Inch Nails fame) has created a powerful video that rings all the right alarm bells. Crank your speakers.

October 20, 2007

What part of "No Anorexia" don't they understand?

All of it, apparently.

Italy's advertising watchdog has banned an ad campaign for a fashion label showing a naked anorexic woman, saying it breached its code of conduct.

The image "commercially exploited" the illness, the advertising body said.

The image, bearing the words "No Anorexia", was first displayed during Milan Fashion Week in September.

Continue reading "What part of "No Anorexia" don't they understand?" »

September 26, 2007

Mad Mel on the Mosquito Coast

"Now I'm hiding in Honduras;

I'm a desperate man..."

--Warren Zevon, "Lawyers, Guns and Money"

Don't you just love this latest installment of Theocrats Gone Wild?

Hollywood star Mel Gibson has ignored safety warnings from the U.S. government and is going ahead with his move to an isolated part of Costa Rica.

The Mad Max actor, 51, plans to move his wife Robyn and seven children 300 miles away from their home in California to a $26 million ranch in a rural area that is known as "bandit territory."

Continue reading "Mad Mel on the Mosquito Coast" »

September 23, 2007

Planet of the Arabs

A compilation of Hollywood's version of the Muslim world.

July 26, 2007

Bullshit is Bullshit

Ahem. To the tune of Depeche Mode's "People Are People":

Continue reading "Bullshit is Bullshit" »

May 9, 2007

Oh yeah, that's inspiring all right...

NOT.

Celebrity heiress Paris Hilton is backing an online petition seeking a pardon of her 45-day prison sentence because she enlivens "mundane" lives.

The petition to California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger also claims she was being used as a scapegoat to highlight the dangers of drink-driving.

Continue reading "Oh yeah, that's inspiring all right..." »

March 26, 2007

Hey Chuck Norris: Shut up and sing, dammit!

Grab your barf bags, folks. Chuck Norris has reared his weaselly little head, and given me one more reason to utterly despise him:

Continue reading "Hey Chuck Norris: Shut up and sing, dammit!" »

March 24, 2007

Repent, George Lucas!

Or I shall torment thee with the stylings of...

...Weird Al Yankovic making well-deserved hash of your prequels.

March 16, 2007

True Confessions

Khalid Sheikh Jeremy???

I always wondered if they might have been separated at birth.

"I shot Ronald Reagan,

I shot JFK,

I slept with Marilyn and she sung ME Happy Birthday!"

--Michael Franti

And in other news: Khalid Sheikh Jeremy confesses to creating pinworms, bird flu, pond scum, toejam, smegma, and advertising on the Internets. He also confessed to selling drugs to Anna Nicole--God rest her silicone soul.

You may now execute the bastard.

February 1, 2007

Open mouth wide, insert foot, keep it there, wiggle toes...

The rich really aren't like the rest of us. Everything about them is larger than life, including the feet they stick in their mouths. Witness, for example, the actions of one obscenely rich man and his wife (dare we say she's "estranged"?):

When the flamboyant former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi made flirtatious comments to two lovely young things at an awards ceremony last week, his overtures were overheard and splashed across the media.

His long-suffering second wife of 20 years, Veronica Lario, demanded an apology. None was forthcoming, so she wrote an open letter to a national newspaper headlined "My husband owes me a public apology."

Continue reading "Open mouth wide, insert foot, keep it there, wiggle toes..." »

January 30, 2007

Okay, this is really stupid, but...

...I just couldn't resist this headline: "Scott Baio Blames Pam's Breasts for End of Their Relationship".

I shit you not.

Former teen heartthrob Scott Baio says his relationship with Canadian beauty Pamela Anderson ended when she decided to get her breasts enlarged.

"One day Pamela came home and said, 'I'm thinking of getting my boobs done.' Admittedly, I was surprised. My initial response, 'Reduced?' She already had large, beautiful, natural breasts," he recalls. "At that moment I knew our relationship would soon begin to crumble. Pamela had finally gone Hollywood — or whatever it is that happens when a woman becomes a hot celebrity."

Continue reading "Okay, this is really stupid, but..." »

January 25, 2007

Talking to Americans, Australian edition?

Rick Mercer, watch out. Here's a comedian claiming to be Prime Minister John Howard--and NO ONE catches on. But they sure do say the darndest things.

December 21, 2006

Fahoo forays, dahoo dorays...

Let's see how long this stays up before YouTube yanks it:

How the Grinch Stole Christmas, all 25:17 minutes of it. Enjoy!

Edit, December 25: The Grinch has stolen the video. You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

December 7, 2006

Where's Mr. Blackwell when you need him...

...to dress down the socialites who make fashion faux pas?

Actually, this is a faux pas in more ways than one. Three women besides Pickles spent $8500 US each, only to look like a big red SOFA? I mean, those outfits weren't so much tailored as upholstered!

Ladies, take it from Audrey Hepburn: You really can't go wrong with a little black dress, especially in an UNquilted fabric.

November 26, 2006

They call THIS blasphemy?

Via the Revealer, I found out that the American Family Fascist Association is up in arms over a concert video showing Madonna, wearing a crown of thorns, first rising up on and then slowly stepping down off a glittery, mirror-tiled cross. The reason? IT'S BLASPHEMY! O, the HORROR!

Continue reading "They call THIS blasphemy?" »

November 18, 2006

How clueless are the pop tarts?

Even if no one asks, they'll still tell.

Unfortunately.

Continue reading "How clueless are the pop tarts?" »

October 26, 2006

It's even more disgusting than I thought...

Crooks and Liars has a video of Keith Olbermann and Sam Seder discussing the Rush Limbaugh's nasty, crass, baseless attack on Michael J. Fox. Man, is it something. Olbermann and Seder are their usual awe-inspiring, bang-on selves. But the Pigman? He really takes the bagel. They have footage of him waving his arms and shaking his blubber all over the place as he mocks Fox's involuntary, medication-related movements.

It's gross, I warn you, but you had better see it so you know just how low the enemy will go.

October 25, 2006

One sick Pigman

This bit of blather is exactly what we'd expect of the drug-addled Rush Limbaugh.

The Pigman went over the top again, attacking Michael J. Fox, who has Parkinson's Disease rather severely, as "either off [his] medication or acting" when he appeared in an ad supporting a Democratic candidate in Missouri for her stand on stem-cell research. In the video (available at the link), Fox can be seen wobbling back and forth in spasms characteristic of someone with Parkinson's who isn't OFF his meds, but rather on them so constantly that he now manifests another condition in addition to the Parkinson's--namely, chorea.

Continue reading "One sick Pigman" »

October 14, 2006

Personal responsibility? No thanks, I'm a conservative.

Poor Mel Gibson. First he makes a sadomasochistically-tinged movie about the death of Jesus, true to the conservative pro-Roman line if not to actual history, that fleeces the evangelicals and reaps a boatload of not so ill-deserved controversy. Then he goes on a drunken tirade in which he makes inexcusable antisemitic remarks. Guess what he blames?

That's right...everything but what he SHOULD blame, which is his own decidedly antisemitic upbringing. That part is sacrosanct, because it's his Faith.

Continue reading "Personal responsibility? No thanks, I'm a conservative." »

September 9, 2006

What? Vinnie Barbarino is into GUYS?

Well, it's either that, or John Travolta is, for whatever reason, strangely into kissing his platonic male pals on the lips.

Continue reading "What? Vinnie Barbarino is into GUYS?" »

August 4, 2006

Boy bands suck in any language

Don't believe me? I have proof.

First of all, a very lame German trio singing (???) "Where are you, my sunshine?" With a lisp that makes me cringe.

Then, the hilarious rebuttal.

Continue reading "Boy bands suck in any language" »

May 22, 2006

Madonna's still doing what she does best

And what is that, you ask? Let the Beeb answer...

The Church of England has criticised Madonna's appearance on a cross to kick off her latest tour in Los Angeles.

"Why would someone with so much talent seem to feel the need to promote herself by offending so many people?" said the church in a statement.

Madonna performed the ballad Live To Tell while suspended from a giant mirrored cross on the opening night.

Continue reading "Madonna's still doing what she does best" »

April 9, 2006

One of the few celebrities actually worth celebrating

Susan Sarandon is one; Tim Robbins is another; Sean Penn is a third. Why? Because they dare to take a stand for what's right, whether or not it's popular at the time. Now, Charlize Theron makes four:

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation presented its Vanguard Award to Theron at the 17th annual GLAAD Media Awards for increasing "visibility and understanding in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community."

Continue reading "One of the few celebrities actually worth celebrating" »

March 31, 2006

A little early for April Fool's jokes...

...but what the heck. Salon.com's "Bradsheet" is worth a look.

Yes, that's BRADsheet...as in Brad Pitt. They've turned their women's-issues blog, Broadsheet, into a Brad-blog for one day only. And the results are a hoot:

Why Brad? Because he is simultaneously reifying and challenging hegemonic codes of race, class, gender and regional or national identity. As one of this generation's most popular actors, Pitt has explored many of the cultural and marital tensions of our emerging postmodern era. Depicting masculine American whiteness in various states of crisis and various hair colors, his characters enact complex postmodern agencies; they are never wholly coherent, they are often self-destructive, and they rely on a certain amount of play -- between stability and instability, between life and death, between autonomy and alter-dependency, between control and abandon, between Maddox and Zahara. His characters explore the complex and changing postmodern cultural landscape. Tracing Brad's work and personal life through a variety of theoretical texts and celebrity-interest publications, we hope to explain his multidimensional postmodernity and raise essential questions, especially given recent events, about whether or not he is God's gift to women.

Continue reading "A little early for April Fool's jokes..." »

March 11, 2006

So long, Paris!

It'll be so nice not knowing you anymore...

Graydon Carter banned Paris Hilton from the Vanity Fair Oscar bash. Now, the heirhead may find herself disinvited from Elton John's annual Oscar bash as well. "The party is a benefit gala, and tickets are $2,500 a pop," said our spy. "When it was suggested to her that she donate the money, Paris just said, 'Don't you know who I am?' and waltzed right in. Isn't she supposed to be wealthy? Everyone else paid. She won't be asked back."

Continue reading "So long, Paris!" »

March 5, 2006

Finally, Tom Cruise wins what he deserves...

A Razzie. What else?

Twenty-four hours before the Oscars, Tom Cruise has suffered the ignominy of being awarded a Razzie - at a ceremony marking Hollywood's worst moments.

He won the award for "most tiresome tabloid target" for his "antics with fiancee Katie Holmes".

Continue reading "Finally, Tom Cruise wins what he deserves..." »

February 16, 2006

Why I don't trust men named Dolph

Besides the dangerous proximity to Adolf, of course, there's charming stuff like this:

A city teacher has been charged with groping three 10-year-old girls in their Brooklyn school, cops said yesterday.

Fifth-grade teacher Dolph Timmerman, 51, allegedly accosted two of the students in a hallway at Public School 123 and a third inside a classroom on Monday.

Continue reading "Why I don't trust men named Dolph" »

February 13, 2006

Sir Ian comes out of the Casting Closet...

...and undresses some painful truths about the myth of Hollywood liberalism:

Sir Ian McKellen has said openly gay US actors are prevented from having successful Hollywood careers.

"It is very, very, very difficult for an American actor who wants a film career to be open about his sexuality," the gay British actor said.

Continue reading "Sir Ian comes out of the Casting Closet..." »

January 8, 2006

Space tourists = space TERRORISTS?

I'm trying very hard not to laugh over this...honest I am. But get a load of the latest bizarre directive from the FAA:

Space tourists must be screened to ensure they are not terrorists, according to proposed regulations from the US Federal Aviation Administration.

The draft report's suggestions aim to prevent a terrorist from destroying a spacecraft or using it as a weapon.

However, the report has no strict proposals on the health of any would-be space tourists.

Continue reading "Space tourists = space TERRORISTS?" »

July 5, 2005

Tom Cruise is WHAT?

I'm glad someone else said it. I can't afford the lawsuits.

But still, I heartily concur.

May 13, 2005

They have Skanky...

We have SEXY.

Yes, Lauren Bacall is a proud, loud, articulate liberal. And Larry King is, by the looks of things, totally bowled over.

Eat shit, Ann Coulter!

May 9, 2005

Runaway bride, walking neurosis...

...what's the difference?

Just ask the attorney who prosecuted Jennifer Wilbanks for shoplifting a few years ago. She's now representing her in court on her public-mischief charge.

I don't know what's funnier, the small-worldism or the fact that the pop-eyed bride (and darling of the right-wing mainstream media distraction machine) is a repeat offender for committing public mischief.

April 1, 2005

Hey wingnuts...

...you can shut up about "Hanoi" Jane Fonda now.

Yeah, I know it bugs the hell out of you that Commander Barbarella isn't the right-wing bitch of your collective wet dreams, but can you just get over it already? She's said she's sorry about her lapse of judgment. Now it's YOUR turn.


March 11, 2005

B(o)y George, that's not cricket

Former Culture Club frontman, Boy George, really wants to hurt Madonna--or at least, he really wants to make her cry. Why? He's mad at her for embracing Kabbalism, claiming that Kabbalists believe gays are diseased and can/should be cured. "She's such a hypocrite. This is the woman who has embraced homosexuality and used it to her advantage," says the artist formerly known as Mr. O'Dowd.

Well, I have a few problems with all that, George:

First, I'm not at all convinced that there are a whole lot of advantages to sharing a fake lesbian kiss onstage with Britney Spears. I think that if you're a fading '80s pop icon, you might do better to prove you've still got your mojo by releasing a new original song (or better still, a whole CD full of same); that faux-lesbian-for-shock-value thing gets old fast. Plus it looks as though it was more an official passing of the naughty-girl torch from someone who did it really well to someone who does it rather badly. Helluva comedown for Madonna--sorry, I meant to say Esther. But it's hardly an embrace of homosexuality; more a sissified simulacrum of it. (You'll notice in the photos that she and Brit-Brit don't embrace, either.)

Secondly, you got that information on Kabbalism from where? A TV documentary? Shyeah, that's informative. Why not pick up a good book on the subject? There's no shortage of them. (I hope Madonna/Esther is reading one right now; it would put her streets ahead of just tying a red string around her wrist to ward off the Evil Eye.)

Thirdly, gay and bisexual Kabbalists would (and rightly) take issue with that anti-gay thing. "Gay" and "spiritual" are not antonyms. And not every Kabbalist is an ultra-orthodox Jew. (She whom you accuse certainly isn't.)

Finally--has Madonna, er, Esther, actually said anything condemning homosexuality? I think I'd have heard if she had. In fact, the whole freakin' world would have heard, whether it wanted to or not. So where, again, is the hypocrisy?

Still, George, I know what you mean--using religion to justify homophobia is just not cricket. Or kosher, as the case may be. But man, you gotta learn to pick your fights better.